I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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