4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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