help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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