watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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