Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize