He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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