i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize