He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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