My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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