he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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