Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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