my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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