I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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