does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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