I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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