You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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