That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize