Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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