my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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