Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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