Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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