My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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