omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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