We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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