yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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