It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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