is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize