I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize