You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize