Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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