i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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