I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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