I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize