nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize