I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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