I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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