I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize