Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize