i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize