Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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