ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize