god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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