I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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