just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize