Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize