I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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