i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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