I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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