This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
