I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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