The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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